Okay.

Come home already :)

Can you see my cry out for help, or do I have to slap you in the face?

I am so sick of feeling like I'm on the back burner in almost every single one of my relationships. It seems like I'm always the convenient one who will listen to all of your problems and give you advice, but when you don't need me it's like I'm not even there. Yeah this might be offensive but it is completely how I am feeling. It sucks that I sit here by myself hurting and I don't have you to talk to. There are a ton of people that love me and I know that but the people that I care for most and thought I could trust the most are not here.

I guess I just need to find better friends?

...

Dear Jessie,
It is not your job to "save" everybody. You're doing everything that you're supposed to be doing. You're an incredible person and everyone pretty much loves you. You know that God has a plan for every single circumstance in your life and in others'. But when things get to be too much you are allowed to make your own decisions. You're allowed to back off, back up, break down.

"You said I know this will hurt, but if I don't break Your heart the pain will just get worse. When the burden seems too much to bear, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there." -Relient K said it well.

Justin McRoberts read Ezek. 34 last night at access and God really spoke to me through it..
11 " 'For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. 12 As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. 13 I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land. 14 I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. 15 I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign LORD. 16 I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.

dear you,

you're not it.

rant. rant. rant. blah. blah. blah.

I feel worn out. Lost. Uncomfortable. Out of place. Sad. I crave attention. I want to be alone. My tooth hurts. I'm sick of headaches. I'm sick of feeling left out. I want a job. I want school to start. I'm bored with life. I want love. I want my best friend to stop hurting. I want money. I want new clothes. I want cute sandals. I want to lose weight. I want my nephew to be nice to me. I don't want my cousin to leave. I want my dad to come home for at least a week before going back out to work. I want a clean room. I want a haircut. I miss ALL of my friends. and I think I am done complaining now.

I'm so sick of being so emotional all the time. I hate relying on people. Especially when they make a big deal when I ask for something. I don't like relying on people, I'd rather do it myself. I hate imposing. I hate not being able to cry. Crying always helps. My freakin' tooth hurts! ahhh.

this is my immature rant.. read it.. don't read it.. either way I hope you have a good night!

Is 40:31 Yet those who WAIT for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

I love this verse.. even though I'm feeling quite the opposite. God never fails me :)

I know I'm weird...

and single.. nor really had my first kiss yet, but this kind of thing is something I like to dream about :)

so here are the songs that I want played at my wedding... <3
1. We belong together- Ritchie Valens
2. I want to Hold your Hand- The Beatles
3. Cinderella- Steven Curtis Chapman (aww I love my dad)
4. Jesse's girl- Rick Springfield (because my dad changed the lyrics.. :) "I wish that I had Jessie girl!")
5. Always and Forever- Luther Vandross

there's a ton more.. I'll add em later :)